Extreme is my normal

Another race went by with me as a spectator. I am getting used to it now. Shoulders down; I am determined not to participate in any race until after the summer.

On Saturday was the Ulriken Opp race, which I had signed up for a long time ago and was really looking forward to. On April 19, Frank and I did a test run of the short course, and completed it in less time than my race time last year, although we kept an easy pace and did not at all push it. So I was expecting to improve my race time by a couple of minutes, at least. But then came my "no running, no uphill walking, no strength training at all for legs" period of four weeks, starting from April 22. That is fortunately over now, and I am into some heavy slow resistance (HSR) training and allowed to walk uphills if I keep them not too long and not too fast. I will come back to the details of this in the next post, but the important part here is that I was able to walk up to the top of the mountain and be a part of the Melkesyre cheering gang to help our friends and all competitors up.

Not being able to use my legs (except for two short relay runs) for four weeks has been an interesting experience to put it mildly. I wrote earlier that I think this will make me a better runner, and I truly believe it. It has made me put everything into a new perspective, as sometimes looking at things from the "outside" can give a clearer picture. However, one should not push perspective too much. At some point I was losing my perspective, in fact the whole picture. Fortunately I am surrounded by great people who were quick to grab me back into the state of mind that I should have.

During these four weeks I went through some stages that could perhaps be categorized as relief, acceptance, resignation, and change. Relief because all kinds of running had become so painful, and I was still doing it in variations which I thought would be fine, that finally not being allowed to run was in fact a relief. Although my mind was very unhappy about this restriction, my body responded very positively. My resting heart rate went down significantly, and my leg muscles felt much better after a few days. I realized that I had actually not rested properly during the past 12 months. Then came the acceptance phase, where I tried to make the best out of the situation. I increased the number of my strength training sessions from two to three or four times a week. I was also fortunate enough that this whole period coincided with an extremely busy period of work, so it was easy to accept and even appreciate that I was not to run or walk. Resignation came when I realized that this rehab period could actually be very long lasting, and it could take months before I could start running again. I gave up all hopes of participating in any of the races that I had signed up for until after the summer.  

Change was when I started to think and feel differently. And different was not good in the end. I started to enjoy lying on the couch after a long day at work. I felt glad that I did not have to go out in the bad May weather that we have had this year. When I saw pictures on Facebook from the training sessions that I could not participate in, I did not feel anything; I was simply indifferent. I did not have the feeling of missing it or being a part of it; it all started to become distant to me. Perhaps the worst was that I started to think in a different way about my goals. I wrote in an earlier post that many people found my goals and training extreme; they used to tell me not to overdo it, not to exaggerate. At that point I did not let this slow me down because I had enough of motivation from great runners with extreme goals and habits, and the "let's not get carried away" advice usually comes from people who do not themselves have the same kind motivation. But during the change period, I started to think that they were right. I started to question what the point was, and to discard my earlier goals. However, the goals for me are so closely related to the joy of achievement that running gives me, that in the end I started to lose the will to run... At the end of this period, when I was finally allowed to start walking uphill, I almost cancelled my planned first walk up to Stoltzekleiven because the weather was bad and I was tired after a long day at work. It was so strange. I was expecting to be so eager to get started again after this long period, and instead I found that I had to force myself to get out and get going. That really scared me. I thought I was losing my edge.

In this state of mind, I was at Barry's Bootcamp this Tuesday morning for my PT session with Ketil, when an old acquaintance, Petter Vallestad, passed by and waved at me with his huge smile as always and shouted "Go Pinar!" I know Petter from when we were both regulars at Barry's bootcamp classes. From a normal bootcamper he went to the extreme;  he is one of two guys from Bergen who participated in the Jungle Marathon in Amazonas in 2013: 254 km in hot, humid weather through the jungle with all sorts of vegetation and insects. Only very few people completed this course, and all the others were professional runners. I have been following Petter's achievements online but it had been a while since we had met. It turned out that he has also been following me via my blog. He invited me to a lecture on Thursday, and we ended up texting a bit during Tuesday. And bang my motivation was back! He was able to draw me out of my negative thoughts and make me remember that extreme is my normal. I can never be moderate when it comes to things I am passionate about, no matter what they are. However, I had a question to Petter: How do you stay injury free? It seems Petter has a recipe for that, and he will tell me all about it over lunch in a few weeks. I will tell you more about him, his achievements and his recipe after that.

Such a simple thing was enough to be reset and get back on track. After this I was clearly more responsive to positive impulses and grabbed every opportunity to get my act together. The first Stoltzekleiven walk was great. I went at a pace which I consider slow and easy, there were hundreds of people on the path all of whom I passed, nobody passed me, and I reached the top just 2 minutes behind my personal best. I was really happy to see that my form had not decreased much. Then on our Thursday PT session, Ketil was more a psychologist than a trainer, and he had all sorts of tricks to get me laughing, screaming and hungry for new goals. Look what he made me do:

Balancing on four fitness balls and doing push ups. It looked impossible. Are you sure this is actually doable? Did anybody try it before? I asked him. Somebody must be the first, and you are the strongest I have, he replied. Ha ha, he knows exactly what to say, and I choose to believe him. It did work after a bit of falling down and getting up. In the beginning he had to hold the balls under my feet; it was like learning how to bike. I kept shouting Don't let go, don't let go, you're still holding, right? But then he had to let go to be able to take pictures. I also got as homework to make a training plan/log so that I can see my progress, which is important now that I am not racing and timing my runs.

Then came the evening before the Ulriken Opp race, and my Melkesyre friend and big idol Jeanette asked me whether I wanted to walk up slowly with her so that we could cheer on our husbands and all other friends when they came racing. This was the last in a sequence of positive impulses to drag me out of my comfortable hole of laziness. To be honest I was not planning to go and cheer this time, but when Jeanette asked, I immediately wanted to go. She is also injured these days, with very similar restrictions to mine, and it was great therapy to chat about these things. She is an athlete at a completely different level than me, and I look so much up to her and find great motivation in her achievements. Although she is one of the best, she is also constantly chasing to improve herself. This, what many people find strange and unnecessary, is what I so totally understand and find that it is something inside me so strong that it is not really a choice.

So, thanks to these wonderful people who, at exactly the right moment, found and grabbed me, I am back on track. No running still for a long while, but enjoying all the things that I actually can do, seizing the opportunity to do more strength training and get stronger, and meeting my running friends again although I cannot join the full training sessions. Maybe I can name this period determination.  I am determined to get rid of my injuries this time, be patient and stay out of running as long as it takes, so that I can be back stronger and faster than ever before.

Coming soon! To a racing arena near you ;-)